So...

One of the sides of my tablet's stylus decided to stop working- only the eraser side works now and so that's gonna be a total pain in the ass. :/

I have to try and work with it until I can get either a replacement stylus OR a new tablet in general. 

This doesn't necessarily mean I can't work so much as it means that it's gonna take longer to work due to only the eraser side working and I can't switch between tools as fast as normal.

It just urks me that this had to happen as soon as I get over this manic depression of feeling like I'm not good enough to stay an artist. 
So like for over 2 weeks I was feeling like I wasn't meant to be an artist anymore. I had several panic attacks, snapped at people trying to help me, even wanted to quit art altogether. A lot of this stems from being friends with people who have more followers and becoming jealous over this. I have been on this website for 10 years and have only gained half of what I had originally when I was only a member for 5. I don't know if it's even normal to get upset over something so stupid, but it has happened way too much.
So I said I'd quit for a while. Not forever just a while...that only made me feel worse. I felt like I was being forced out of the one thing that has stuck with me all my life. I HATE not being able to draw. It makes me feel like I can't be myself and no one likes to be told not to be themselves.

I took the tablet shit as a sort of 'universal sign' that I'm not supposed to be an artist. But I guess we all blow shit out of proportion when we're upset about something. Especially something like your fucking tablet giving you trouble after going through a mental crisis like that. 

I just wanted to vent about this and how I've been feeling. Not even sure what to say to end this random journal. Thank you for reading.